Funny Things to Have Been Read Out Loud by Computer

Break-room rage, busted vending machines and petty coworkers all have the potential to be hilarious if you play your cards right. Having a sense of humor to complement your corporate frustrations can pay off, and in more ways than just boosting the mood at work. With a bit of clever phrasing, you can turn a confrontation into a conversation. If that's not your style, just sit back and enjoy the hard work of others.

Geese Are No Joke

To anyone who grew up around angry Canadian geese, this sign is no joke. In fact, we'd be grateful for the warning. For those who've never had to run away screaming from a charging, hissing goose, the idea of an oversized duck guarding a shop door probably seems pretty farcical.

Don't let those tiny, beady eyes and skinny little necks fool you, though. Those webbed feet will take off and chase you all the way home. Don't believe us? Disregard the sign. See what happens. Our money is on the bird.

When it comes to restaurant ice machines, there's big potential for a whole lot of grossness. They require regular, thorough cleanings that can take some time. With that in mind, it's understandable that whoever's in charge would put a sign like this on the icemaker.

What's probably more concerning is the thought of what must have happened to prompt the hanging of that sign. We're guessing it's probably one of those things you just don't ask or think about for too long. If it was enough to warrant a sign, the ice situation was probably pretty gross.

It Can Wait

We wish we were shocked that this sign even exists, but we've seen too many videos of emergency situations online to question it at this point. On the one hand, having in-the-moment videos of disaster scenarios is nothing if not fascinating.

On the other hand, if the building is burning down around you, there are probably better things to do with your dwindling minutes than take a video of your friend crawling through the smoke toward the emergency exit. We're with the sign on this one: Put your phone away and get to safety.

Get Up and Go

Speaking of exits, if you're feeling agile and are in a hurry, you can always take the alternate way out. With the number of people who probably walk past this sign every day and don't notice it, sneaking out undetected might not be as hard as you think.

That is, of course, assuming you can quietly creep along in the ductwork. Despite what spy movies lead you to believe, air vents are pretty noisy to crawl through. Not that we'd have any experience in duct escape routes. Even if we did, ninjas never tell, right?

Where's the Pizza?

It's no secret that pizza makes for some of the best leftovers. In the fridge at home, those slices are fair game, but if you bring them to work, the same rule doesn't apply. It's pretty awful to steal anyone's lunch.

We bet there's a special place down below for anyone who steals someone's leftover pizza and then has the audacity to leave the empty box in the office fridge. Did they honestly think no one would notice? We hope the victim's reward was claimed. After all, revenge is a dish best served cold.

Sticky Situation

This sign raises a lot of questions, and we're not sure where to start. Why was there gum in the urinal? How did it get there? Were there multiple occurrences of gum ending up in the urinals?

Most importantly, how do they know how many flushes it takes for the gum to lose its flavor? Naturally, we want to know what led up to the sign's creation. What we don't want to know is what poor soul had to extract the discarded gum. Whoever they are, they probably deserve a raise.

Oh, Bother

We'd hazard a guess and say that the bear in question here is no "Silly Old Bear." Wherever this sign was hung, they sure knew how to take workplace hazards to a new level.

The sign cleverly notes a way to safely make it back to your car without becoming supper for a hungry polar bear: Bring a (slower) coworker! While following this advice might not make you many friends, if you're the slow coworker, you're likely not going to find better motivation to get to the gym.

Parkour Party

This workplace sign has all its bases covered. Sure, a parkour tournament sounds like a blast, but it's all fun and games until someone dislocates a knee or gets a concussion.

Laugh all you want at the offer of a first aid course, but five minutes is all someone needs to get themselves into trouble vaulting over objects and jumping across gaps 20 feet in the air. Alternatively, the first aid course is a great fallback if you get to the tournament and realize how wrong you were about your stomach for heights.

Jurassic Office Park

This one's a classic. It does make you wonder what a workplace velociraptor attack would entail, though. Unless you're actually employed by the InGen Corporation, your chances of having to deal with a real velociraptor attack at work are probably slim to none.

If you work at an office with a goofy coworker who owns one of those inflatable dinosaur suits, however, your risk level is probably a bit higher. Assuming that's the case here, we're still curious about what happened to poor Daniel down there on the memorial addendum.

Stating the Obvious

What probably happened here was that someone broke a chair — we won't ask how — and set it off to the side for janitorial services to cart off to a chair graveyard somewhere. While waiting for the chair's one-way trip to the landfill, someone saw an opportunity and took it.

If that's not how it happened, the alternative is that someone broke a chair, set it aside and felt the need to label it in case the fact that it was broken wasn't immediately obvious. We'd say "You couldn't sit in that if you tried," but someone might take that as a challenge.

No Puns Allowed

Most signs you come across at work are functional in some capacity: wet floor, out of order, meeting at 10, cake in the break room — things like that. As a result, things can sometimes get a little boring around the office.

All that corporate monotony can wear down workplace morale, and everyone knows that low morale equals low productivity. That's why it's important to keep that one funny guy around. Sure, he might not get the most work done, but without his non-sequiturs and humorous asides, goodness knows the place would be far less lively.

Showing Off

While we can't stress enough how important it is for workers to be happy at their jobs, someone has to draw the line somewhere. In this case, the limit is showtunes. For whatever reason, songs from stage productions and the silver screen just rub this boss the wrong way.

We'd tell them to "Let It Go," but someone would probably get fired for it. If they get touchy about these kinds of songs, we can only imagine what it must be like to be around them during the holidays.

Newsroom Policies

Journalism is a diverse field, encompassing newswriters, scientific journalists, entertainment writers and so many others. Although their fields of study and expertise vary greatly and they all follow different formats, there are a few basic rules that remain consistent across the writing spectrum.

Most of those rules are largely unspoken, drilled into writers' heads as wee authorlings, but someone decided it was important to write them down. Math classes taught us that it was always important to show our work, so this literary genius decided to do just that.

Hands Off

What do you do when you have an important message to convey with a limited time window during which to convey it? You include a caveat, obviously. The stove is hot — except when it isn't. The road is icy — unless it's July. The paint is wet — unless it's already dry.

It's a simple but effective formula. However, this wet paint sign does make us wonder what it's stuck to. Did they put it on the wet paint? If they didn't, how are we supposed to know exactly what is wet or when it dries?

Bathroom Humor

The over/under debate has raged for as long as toilet paper has been a commodity. Friendships have crumbled under its pressure, and we're pretty sure there's been at least one war waged over it. The gravity of this dispute needs no formal introduction.

In this particular workplace, someone took the liberty of making their stance known with undeniable clarity. It's a bold move, for sure, but does it work? A sticker like this either informs the roll-replacer of the proper toilet paper orientation, or it starts an all-out war in the workplace.

Modesty Is Important

They say that mirrors lie, but what about when there's no mirror to gaze upon? The best solution is clearly to put up a placeholder that gives you a semi-believable compliment that's nothing if not modest.

If you're like most of us, you'll see that 7/10 and feel pretty good about it. If you've got the confidence half of us wish we had, you'll see that sign and scoff at it because you know you're a total 10. Either way, it's a win, and you didn't need the mirror.

Quiet, Please

Some people seriously hate being interrupted, teachers especially so. The one that made this sign had clearly had enough of being talked over or stopped by raised hands. Their exceptions to the "no interruptions" rule in their classroom all make a fair amount of sense.

We can't help but wonder how often someone tries to interject that they just saw Ryan Gosling outside in the hall, if only to see what their teacher's reaction would be. We're pretty sure the teacher would say that it was funny the first 30 times, but not so much now.

Sew What?

Anyone who's ever had fabric scissors and inevitably had someone else ruin them will understand this sign. There's no way of knowing just how many pairs of perfectly good scissors the creator of this sign has had to stop using due to carelessness, but this is the final straw.

For anyone not in the know, fabric scissors are only for cutting sewing materials (and not cardboard or plastic or anything else). Use them on other materials, and they become dull and won't cut fabric, making them pretty useless as fabric scissors.

Out of Order

Sometimes, the customer isn't always right, and after correcting someone about the broken soda machine for what feels like the billionth time, you just give up. Don't believe us? Fine. Try it for yourself.

Such blatant snark in a professional setting might seem kind of drastic, but to anyone who's spent any time in customer service or retail, that passive-aggressive note probably feels pretty tame. There's also a good chance that at least a few people every hour still pressed the dispenser lever to see if any Sprite came out.

Speak Up

Sometimes, aggressive signs are not just necessary. Without them, there might be serious consequences. Speakers that size don't come cheap, but whoever designed this one could have at least tried a little harder to not make it look like a garbage can.

Sure, it says "BOSE" in big, silver letters right across the front, but how many people actually look before they throw their trash somewhere? It's an understandable mistake to make, but when you have to clean other people's refuse out of your expensive equipment on a daily basis, the sympathy wanes pretty quickly.

Pet Policy

Most hotels, motels and bed and breakfasts are pretty strict about their pet policies. Typically, it comes down to a clear-cut "yes" or "no," but not for this Alaskan getaway. Their pet policy is amusingly verbose, which makes us wonder whether or not management might have been better off running a pet motel instead of a resort for people.

Naturally, as a hotel owner, you're going to have patrons who trash their rooms, disrespect the establishment or otherwise cause a ruckus. By the looks of this sign, some owners take more offense to those things than others.

Easy As…

We have a healthy appreciation for clever signs that kindly remind parents to control their kids while inside small shops. There's the classic "Unattended children will be given an espresso and a puppy," and then there are more direct, straight-to-the-consequences signs like this one, which is perfect for any bakery.

Sure, it kind of gives off a Sweeney Todd vibe, but if that's the price you have to pay in order to get people to keep their children from running wild and raising havoc, it might just be worth it.

If It Ain't Broke

This sign either inspires confidence in these people's honesty, helps us understand their sense of humor better or makes us question their claim about being able to fix anything. We're not sure. But we know that the people working in this mall maintenance shop are probably funny, and that goes a long way in any service field.

Who knows? Maybe the bell is some kind of complex electrical monstrosity. It'd be understandable why they couldn't fix that. On the other hand, if it's a classic bell with a clacker or a standard doorbell, we're back to questioning their skills.

It's a Trap!

The fact that someone actually took the time to write, print and frame this sign is proof enough that whoever is behind this masterpiece clearly loves their job. Keeping plants alive at home is hard enough, and that's without the added complication of countless strangers running their hands all over your precious foliage.

Signs that say "do not touch" or "keep off grass" are more likely to draw the attention of contrarians in the crowd than they are to protect your gardening. This approach seems like it's more likely to actually get the desired outcome.

Easy Mistake

The prostituted/prosecuted mixup is an oldie but a goodie. They're two very different things, but nevertheless, people still manage to get them confused. In this case, the sign appears to be placed in a grocery store or market of some kind, and someone found it appropriate to place the warning next to the bananas.

Either they got lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you want to look at things) or they knew exactly what they were doing and smile smugly to themselves every time they see their own sign.

Intense Warnings

Many of these weird and wonderful pieces of signage are written or printed on plain old paper and taped up somewhere for the world to admire. This warning takes it several steps further, proudly displaying its cautionary text on printed plastic, sparing no expense on character count.

As you read it, the message comes across less and less as a general guide and more as a series of nods to very specific individual cases. The impassioned rant culminates in an unlikely (and probably impossible) final item: your mother-in-law. Personally, we don't think she'll fit.

Some Like It Hot

Usually, angry signs on office microwaves are brought about because someone microwaved fish, blew up their lunch or burnt something and caused an evacuation. Never before have we seen an office sign quite this specific (or fiery).

If you want some extra heat added to your meal, it sounds like a great option, at least until you open the door to retrieve your food. The bigger question here, at least for us, is where do we get some ghost pepper popcorn? Anyone with any information or connections, please let us know.

Holey Moley

Here's another great child-control sign found at a bakery. Keeping display-case glass clean is a major undertaking, and greasy hands and prodding fingers don't make it any easier.

Asking people not to touch the glass isn't likely to do much in the way of deterring most offenders, but telling them that their percussive tendencies will frighten the pastries is enough to stop just about anyone. No one wants to scare the doughnuts, and no one wants to clean up after startled doughnuts, either. Those little guys get sprinkles everywhere.

Either Way…

Knowing your limits as a professional is an important part of being good at your job. For most people, that means taking breaks, maintaining hobbies, setting boundaries and engaging in other healthy habits. For others, that means taking up a second profession to fill in the blanks.

While we admire this vet's honesty and resourcefulness, we're not sure that "either way you get your dog back" is the most trustworthy business slogan. Clever? Certainly, but the last thing anyone wants to have to explain to their kids is why they took Fluffy to the vet and came home with Stuffy.

Eh, Whatever

Here's a sign we can all relate to on some level. If anyone ever tells you that they always did things on time and never once put off a task, there's an exactly 100% chance that they're lying.

Birds do it. Bees do it. Even libraries do it. Everyone is guilty of procrastinating at some point, intentionally or otherwise. By the way, we meant to put this one toward the top of the list, but we kept getting distracted by other signs, so it ended up here.

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Source: https://www.smarter.com/fun/funny-workplace-signs?utm_content=params%3Ao%3D740011%26ad%3DdirN%26qo%3DserpIndex